You Happy and I am Happy

It is a new era to be a mom, like butterfly transformed from moth.
I never know that I could have this kind of feeling. All my happiness and sadness are so attached to my angel's moods. There's one in the world to depend and rely on you with all her full heart.

Life always has two sides

Life always has two sides. When the life give you the good side, it will throw you the bad side as well.

I'm still in the happy mood for my growing baby, here comes the bad news. Our group has been asked to relocated to east coast or lay off. It is a no-brianer decision for me to choose. Not to talk about any career potential or those kind of serious topics, just to think about I'm so happy to feel my baby growing day after day, how could I prevent my husband from this kind of happiness?

I'm usually on the pesmistic side for the world. In the past, I might be worry about looking for a new job in this uncertain economic world. My husband was so worried that I could be too stressed for the bad news. Weird thing is that I accept it calmly and put it behind me immediately. My emotional curve passed through so quick that I even didn't feel it. I'm not worried about that I will be out of job very soon. It's just a little bit pity that I haven't enjoyed the company maternity benefits. It's also a littlbe bit sad to see a great group dismissed. But other than that, I do not have any further regret or panic. My mind is full with my baby and all the joyness coming with that. Every time I hear her heartbeating using doppler, my heart seems melting down. Nothing else could let me risk that kind of joyful moment.

On the other side, from a professional point of view, I knew it could be a very costly and wrong decision for the company to dismiss the R&D group here. Our R&D group here has been supporting two product lines for many years with a lot of domain knowledge and lesson learned experience. We had a lot of great ideas about how to improve the products and make it better for the business. We have the rest of business team and operational team located in east coast. Since our company acquired another middle-sized company in the same wide domain and put our 2 product lines under the management of the new company, a lot of issues arise. The organization has been re-structueded multiple times in the past 2 years. Our R&D director left the team, and no local replacement has been put into place even for a year afterwards. One of the product line business director left the company, the other one turned to be changed right before the team dismissal. The new management team from that newly acquired company never has experience with distributed virtual team, and looked at us the same usage, but more expensive than their outsource India company. Since our R&D manager left the team, in a year, I have changed 3 different bosses who always have other higher priority to take care instead of team here! Now it comes to the time that R&D team will be dismissed here unless anyone is willing to relocate to the east coast, though on the other end, the new management team does not really prepared to hear any "Yes" answer to really relocate. It sounds like a good stragegy to dismiss the team without the limitation of new hiring due to layoff words. As a result, none of team members will relocate and all the experience accumulated in the past years could be lost.

For my professional responsibility, though I said I will try my best to complete the rest of projects I managed and help the transition process, I told my latest manager frankly that I would expect the business will be impact and has to be slow down for some period of time no matter how good I or we make the transition happen. Surprisely that my manager didn't agree and still think that business will be almost no impact to move forward. More interesting and ironic, the business director called everyone in the team here and tried to persaude us to consider the relocation option. He was also shocked by the news the same day we heard the bad news because no one in R&D department management side consider the business impact before making the decision. So now the business is emerging and growing, but no R&D support in short period and have to wait for the new team formed. To make things worse, did I mentioned that the R&D team in east coast has different skill set and has no idea about the domain knowledge?

It is really sad to see a great team dismissed and business, which I believe in mind, has to pay high price in the future. I heard about very bad morale among all business and operational team members, which actually appeared in the current projects I'm managing immediately. The emotional curve for the rest of people might take longer time to overcome.

What I will do? Take it easy, try to do more exercise and stay healthy for my baby. Enjoy the lovely time with my growing baby, and do not bother with looking for a new job. I don't want to risk anything for my baby with a new job or job search, which could be stressful for baby to feel. Every time I touch my growing belly, I'm so grateful that my baby is with me this time. My baby would feel all the sweet moods I'm having because of her or him. Next spring, after my baby delivered to kick off the new adventure in my life, I can start to looking for the next adventure in my career too. Now, I'm just eager to know if that's he or she to decorate the nursery room and purchase the clothes. Anything other than baby? not in my mind at all:-)

继续挖树洞

突然发现，若干年前，开始写这个blog，是因为知道我的好友离婚了。

我挖了这个树洞，想要往里面倒点秘密。

若干年后，我的另一个好友婚姻出了问题。

我继续往这个洞里倾诉，只是说给自己听，

只有陌生人可以偶尔到此一游。

女人可以靠自己，或是靠别人。

独立自强，意味着只能靠自己披荆斩棘一路前行？

清华多年，就两位知交，可都是婚姻触礁，

回头仔细一算，同一个宿舍，或是同一个班级的女同学，

居然有一半的概率婚姻变故，

还有一半不愿走进围城，

难道真的是女子无才便是德？

想的太多，容易心比天高？

怪不得童话故事总是在“王子与公主从此幸福的生活在一起”的时候嘎然而止。

Happily Ever After 只能是童话。

日复一日，年复一年，生活不是一个happy ending可以结束的。

太阳底下，无新鲜事。 原来如此。

而今，

我只想要个孩子，

来寄存我的心。

忽而今夏

开车回家的时候，听到收音机说今天是record high，有95度，就是摄氏35度的高温，一下子就像是夏天到了。可算算日子还该感觉着春天呢。

取车时，车身上落了好多白色的小花，车窗前不知名的白花盘旋着飞走，一朵朵的飞尽，就像是春天的尾巴就这么的飘走了。

想着要不要换上裙装来配合天气，又摇摇头放弃了自己的死心不改。每次在空调下冻得瑟瑟发抖，夏天穿的比冬天还多的教训总是学不乖。

想起小时候每年春天总是盼着六一节的到来，游行之后就是游园会，最重要的是终于可以开始穿裙子了，小姑娘也有爱俏的时候。

而后离乡多年，江南的春天却再也没有见过，一树树灿烂春花，合着那烟雨江南，都只有梦中相忆。

原来走到哪里都是围城，小时候盼着快快长大，而今恨不能重回儿时光阴，无忧无虑。

哪怕是主楼外，东门前一排树梢嫩嫩的黄绿色新枝，求学时每每望着，感慨不如江南春， 也只是回不去的少年时代。

一次用了“忽而今夏”做昵称，旁人就说，这也是我喜欢的一本书。

却原来说的全不是一回事。

我想的是当时年少，为赋新诗强说愁时爱上的亦舒，

而旁人说的已经是下n代的别的书了。

怪不得人家说：老年人常思既往。真的是老了。

与朋友说起，岁月如梭，人到中年，怎么就这样过了半辈子。

她要割舍这个半辈子中一起扶持过了一半的情义，不知道前路如何。

而我，却在恐慌原来这辈子就是这样了啊。

我的前半生不知不觉过完了。

纵使举案齐眉，到底意难平。

仅有的几个好友婚姻纷纷触礁，这个世界到底变化太快，还是我已经落伍。

再给自己念念这首海子的诗吧，听说还选进了语文课本：

 面朝大海,春暖花开    海子

从明天起, 做一个幸福的人 
喂马, 劈柴, 周游世界 
从明天起, 关心粮食和蔬菜 
我有一所房子, 面朝大海, 春暖花开 
从明天起, 和每一个亲人通信 
告诉他们我的幸福 
那幸福的闪电告诉我的 
我将告诉每一个人 
给每一条河每一座山取一个温暖的名字 
陌生人, 我也为你祝福 
愿你有一个灿烂的前程 
愿你有情人终成眷属 
愿你在尘世获得幸福 
我只愿面朝大海, 春暖花开 

惆怅旧欢如梦

刚刚出差回来，多时未联系的好友与我上网聊天。

平日温婉乐观的人，语调灰暗，让我担心。

终于给她打了电话，与好友谈完，心中郁郁寡欢。

我的好友，宜室宜家。

于她这样的可人儿，要思前想后，做出决绝的一步，经历了什么样的痛啊?

在这世界上，到底还有没有恒久的爱与约定呢？

爱情，婚姻，如果没有了内容，还留着空壳又有什么用呢？

如果丢掉这些禁锢，才能找到新的幸福，

那么，我的好友，我祝福你。

希望时间是最好的良药。伤口早晚都要愈合。

人生的旅途上，曾经以为相伴一生的人，其实只是过客，

那就把他当作是过去的风景吧。

想想其实所有的爱情，亦或婚姻，都有所图，只不过看求的是什么罢了。

求钱，求权，或是求貌，反而容易办到，

求心，求的是相知相守，看似简单，其实是最难办到的。

真是悲哀，若是只求一张饭票，就不会嫁给这个人了。

而若是只求一张饭票，那么那个婚姻就可以继续忍受下去。

可惜我们都不是这样的人。

她辗转反侧，没有做最后的决定，只是说为了女儿，再想想。

我不敢劝她什么，也不知道该说什么。

其实我的心里已经有了答案。

我的好友，与我相似，都有颗极其自尊自傲的心。

若不是心中已有了决断，是断断不会把这样的惨痛与人诉说的，哪怕是相知的好友。

能够说出来，硬生生的砍断了一个臂膀，一转身已是万水千山。

十年修得同船渡，百年修得共枕眠。

于千万人之中遇见那个人，于千万年之中，在时间的无涯的荒野里，没有早一步，也没有晚一步，刚巧赶上了，可以修得十多年的缘分，可还只是个过客。

她的欢乐如今只来自于女儿，而她的悲伤却都来自于他。

有朝一日，他不再牵动她的悲伤，那就是完全的忘却了。

有期望，才有失望，才有绝望。

而今，心弦不再为之波动，过往已然落幕。

在人生的舞台上，没有人会在原地永远的等待。

漫漫长路，两个人若不能并肩前行，便会交错而过。

清明

今日清明。

清明时节雨纷纷，路上行人欲断魂。

杏花烟雨，也许只是肆意思亲的理由？

可惜阳光灿烂下，我的心病也只能是一场梦。

林花谢了春红，太匆匆，胭脂泪，相留醉，几时重。

人生长恨水长东。

我只愿梁上娇燕再投林。

青春

回家的路上，听到广播里面在说，原来千禧年到现在都快10年了，

时光飞逝，原来这一生也就这样过了，

原来回头看看，已然逝去的青春竟然如此苍白，

从未燃烧过的青春，或是灰烬后的余生，

不知道到底是哪种更痛呢？

原来理想主义还是假的，

终究还是屈服于现实的温暖，

可为什么还是那么的冷呢？

醉过方知酒浓，爱过方知情重，

从未醉过，从未爱过，

原来还是会痛的。

可生活还是一样的继续。

地球还是一样的旋转。

Another year

Another year will pass soon, and I'm getting older and older.  

I did not water my garden very often in the past year, though I planed to do that many times. I had bad luck again: I broke my knee on June 1st( many years ago, that's the date I like a lot for childish celebration). So I was demobilized for a while, and learned how important to be a healthy person.  Though I'm so lazy that I wish I could have enough sleep all day,  it is hard to image that all my life was limited to my bed, nothing else. Freedom to move around seems so precious. 

Sometimes I was wondering if I was cursed. It seems like I have to visit doctor so often in the past 3 years, and every year I would have something major badly happened. Or am I so fragile that anythign can break mine? I was struggling with those pains, physical or mental, all the time. I guess I understood "the importance of living" from different angles. Life is always fragile. I need to live my everyday without regret, happily ever after, or not. 

The happiness is easily achieved. It is also easily lost. At the time we were worry about economic downturn, the life is stressful.  So many sad stories happened around the bad time, and again, life is so fragile. Sign... We saw more violence happened and happiness was destroyed within a second. The whole world is too big to be changed easily, though I could try to protect my small world.

The happiness is there when a big hug comes. Life is easy if you could satisfy. Life is still full of hope if you try. 

We all can help the China Quake!

The western media didn't give much attention to 512 China quake. If you want to know more details, here are list of sources to learn more detail:

24 hour TV coverage(in Chinese narration, but picture tells a lot)
CCTV 24 hour coverage 24小时直播5·12汶川地震灾情
Sichuan Sat TV 24 hour coverage 四川卫视24小时直播5·12汶川地震灾情
Sichuan TV 24 hour coverage 四川电视台第4频道直击震中救灾现场

News Links:
Special reports in English
Special Reports in English from XinHuaNet
Rotation news in Chinese
Special Reports in Chinese

How to Help:
One of Donation channels
Another donation channel (paypal or google checkout)

(Tips: Check if your employer can provide the company match so that we can maximize the benefits to victims.)

Pray for them! Hope for the miracle!

Miracle: 3-year-old girl survives for 40 hours!

It's 3 days after the devastating quake. The death toll is still rising up, and a huge number of people still . buried underneath rubble. I can't look at those hell-like pictures any more.

Pray for them. I hope that miracle can happen! I wish it's just a scary dream.

Open your eyes! I was so touched by many many stories: teachers gave up their family, their children, even their own life to save the students; nurse kept saving lives while lost contact with her son. Whole nation is united no matter political positions. Shame on those people who claimed human rights all the time, but behave so cold to the disaster. I can't say how disappointed with the cold-hearted biased media: why you can only see the downsides? because that's your heart.

Life is so fragile. What can we do to help? .......

Best wishes to those affected by China quake in Sichuan

I was terrified by the news that massive 7.8 magnitude earthquake hit Sichuan province, one of the highest population density area, on May 12, 2008. A major quake jolted Wenchuan County of Sichuan province at 2:28 pm on Monday, and most of China felt the shake, from Beijing, to Shanghai, to Guangzhou, thousands of miles away. The toll of the dead and missing soared as rescue workers dug through flattened debris in a desperate attempt to find survivors of China's worst earthquake in three decades. All my sympathy and condolence to those affected by the massive quake, and I hope more survivors can be rescued on time.

I was amazed by the fast response from Chinese government to handle this natural disaster. Premier WenJiabao rushed to the endangered area immediately to oversee rescue efforts, to rescue as much as possible at fastest speed at any cost. The officials launched a massive government relief operation following the disaster. A lot of soldiers and armed police arrived in the quake-hit areas with more on the way by planes, trains, trucks or on foot. For tremor around the country, open communication makes people stay calm. The timely delivery of domestic and international donations to disaster areas can help the quake relief.

I was much disappointed by the media bias outside China. I saw "western" news and blogs talk about the quake and death, talk about the quality of buildings, and talk about the terrors around the people. However, not much news talk about how Chinese people rescue themselves, and how Chinese soldier rescue their people. In a world, why not talk about the positive sides when a massive disaster happened? Although I was disappointed by the politics corruption in the past, the ruling party was, is and will do all it could to protect its people. Premier went to the area with hundreds of aftershocks; soldiers walked 50 miles in 20 hours on foot to reach the disconnected area under heavy rain and aftershocks; the affect counties are well ordered to save people. Comparing to the disturbance happened in New Orleans and not much immediate help from government, should people around the world start to discover the virtue of Chinese nation?

At the moment, the number of casualties is still unknown. There are still disconnected counties unreachable, and rescuers were stranded outside Wenchuan as roads were blocked by boulders and rocks following the earthquake.The old Chinese saying said: to build the road in Sichuan province is much harder than to build the road to the heaven. With the heavy storms and destroyed road, the rescue work is difficult to move into those areas. I really hope the rescue can find more survivors and less impact to those affected area. I hope more funds and supplies will be provided around the world instead of criticism gesture for politics.

As Premier Wen Jiabao said through a bullhorm to survivors still buried under debris, "We will save the people. As long as the people are there, factories can be built into even better ones, and so can the towns and counties." People is the foundation of the country. The survivors, along with the giant panda, one of the famous symptom of nation, will stay and rebuild the tomorrow.

Life played me again...

Last night, I had a dream. I went to somewhere, and I saw a lovely little girl playing. She's so adorable and ran to me with great smile. I kneed down to hug her. She's so tender with lovely smell, and she stayed in my arm with beautiful smile. I kissed her pink cheek, bright eye, and soft lips. Another little girl stood one step aside, and looked at me. I opened another arm and she walked closer with shy. She's so cute that I can't stop myself to grasp her, and kiss her tender cheeks. They all laughed like wind bell whistling. I can feel how soft they are when I hold them tight. Suddenly it turns foggy everywhere. They stopped laughing, and started to fade away. I tried to grab their hands, hold nothing but air in my hand. I was scared. I ran around to find them, but just saw nothing. The fog circled me around, and I can't breath at all. I tried to breath harder and harder, and suddenly I went back the the real life. I found myself lie in the bed, my husband's hands hold me tight. Listened to his breathe, tears fell down my cheeks.

Life played my again. I had my second miscarriage. I felt to be doomed. Did I do something wrong? I'm not the one who always do good things to others, but I never really hurt somebody else in all my life. So why me? why us again? I just found out that I'm pregnant, cramp started. I feel the blood lost underneath, and I knew it can't be stopped. People said that it's better to be loved than never been loved, I disagree. If I knew that'll be the end, I would rather never start it. The pain is the worst pain when you have the joy in the beginning. You never know how strong the wine is unless you're drunk; you never know how that hurts unless you loved it before. "醉过方知酒浓，爱过方知情重", I used to love that poem for the words, now I can resonant it with my heart. I know that the time will be the best cure for all the wound, but I will always lock my two little lovely girls in my heart. I can still hear they're laughing and playing each other. But the life continues.

『豆浆食谱』+ 『豆渣食谱』

『豆浆食谱』   滋补保健类:   『黄豆豆浆』  『用料』黄豆70克、水1200毫升 『制法』 1、将黄豆浸泡6—16小时，备用； 　　　 2、将泡好的黄豆装入豆浆机网罩中，往杯体内加入清水，启动豆浆机，十几分钟后做出熟豆浆。 『功效』 滋阴润燥、宽中和脾、利水下气。 『五豆豆浆』 『用料』 黄豆30克、黑豆10克、青豆10克、豌豆10克、花生米10克、水1200毫升 『制法』 1、将五种豆类浸泡6—16小时，备用 　　   2、将浸泡好的五豆装入豆浆机网罩中，往杯体内加入清水，启动豆浆机，十几分钟后豆浆煮熟，报警即成。 『功效』降脂降压、强筋健脾、保护心血管。 『五豆·红枣豆浆』 『用料』黄豆26克、黑豆9克、青豆9克、豌豆9克、花生米9克、红枣13克、清水适量。 『制法』 1、将黄豆、黑豆、青豆豌豆、花生米一起浸泡6—16小时，备用； 　　　 2、将红枣洗净去核； 　　　 3、将红枣和浸泡好的五豆装入LB豆浆机网罩中，杯体内按规定加入清水，接通电源十几分钟五豆·红枣豆浆就做好了。  『功效』降脂降糖降压、补虚益气、健脾和胃。 『枸杞豆浆』 『用料』 黄豆60克、枸杞10克、清水1200毫升 『制法』 1、将黄豆浸泡6—16小时，备用； 　　　 2、将泡好的黄豆和枸杞装入LB豆浆机网罩内，杯体内加入清水，启动豆浆机，十几分钟豆浆煮熟即成。  『功效』 滩垢紊觥⒁婢髂俊⒃銮棵庖吣芰Α? 『红枣枸杞豆浆』 『用料』 黄豆45克、红枣15克、枸杞10克、清水1200毫升 『制法』 1、将黄豆浸泡6—16小时； 　　　 2、将红枣洗净去核，枸杞洗净备用； 　　　 3、将泡好的黄豆、红枣和枸杞装入LB豆浆机网罩内，杯体内加入清水，启动豆浆机，十几分钟豆浆煮熟即可。  『功效』 补虚益气、安神补肾、改善心肌营养、防治心血管疾病。  『红枣莲子浆』 『用料』 红枣（去核）15克、莲子肉15克、黄豆50克、白糖50克、清水适量。 『制法』 1、将黄豆浸泡6—16小时； 　　　 2、将莲子肉泡至发软； 　　　 3、将红枣洗净与莲子肉、黄豆一并装入LB豆浆机网罩内，杯体内加入清水，启动豆浆机，十几分钟豆浆煮熟。  　　　 4、趁热往杯体内加入白糖，搅匀即成；不愿喝甜的也可以不加糖。 『功效』 滋阴益气、养血安神、补脾胃、清热解毒。 『花生豆浆』 『用料』花生30克、黄豆40克、水1200毫升 『制法』 1、将黄豆、花生浸泡6—16小时，备用； 　　　 2、将泡好的黄豆和花生装入豆浆机网罩内，将清水装入杯体，启动豆浆机，十几分钟后即成。  『功效』 补血益气、滋阴润肺、适用于体虚瘦弱、大病初愈及健康人养生保健。 『黑豆芝麻浆』 『用料』 黑豆50克、花生15克、黑芝麻5-10克、水适量 『制法』 1、将黄豆、花生浸泡6—16小时； 　　　 2、将泡好的黑豆、花生和黑芝麻一起装入LB豆浆机网罩内，杯体内加入清水，启动豆浆机，十几分钟后豆浆煮熟。  『功效』 乌发养颜、解表清热、滋养健体。 『百合莲子浆』 『用料』 百合10克、莲子肉10克、银耳10克、绿豆40克、冰糖50克、清水适量。 『制法』 1、将百合用开水泡至发软，将莲子肉用开水浸泡至发软； 　　　 2、将银耳洗净，用温水浸泡至发软，摘成小朵； 　　　 3、将绿豆浸泡6-16小时； 　　　 4、将绿豆、百合、莲子、银耳一并装入LB豆浆机网罩内，杯体内加入冰糖和适量清水，启动机器，十几分钟后浆煮熟即成。  『功效』 清火滋阴，养心安神、补脑抗衰。 『备注』 网罩中的渣加白糖调制成豆沙，爽脆可口。  解暑降火类:　  『绿豆豆浆』 『用料』 绿豆80克、白糖50克、清水适量。 『制法』 1、将绿豆洗净，浸泡6—16小时。 　　　 2、将泡好的绿豆放入LB豆浆机网罩中，杯体中加入清水，启动机器，十几分钟后豆浆煮熟。 　　　 3、趁热往杯体内加入白糖，不愿喝甜的也可不加糖。 『功效』 清热解暑、利水消肿、润喉止渴、明目降压。 『备注』 进行温补者不宜饮用，以免失去温补功效；脾胃虚寒者不宜过多饮用,以防腹泻。网罩中的豆渣加白糖调成豆沙，十分可口。 『消暑二豆饮』 『用料』 黄豆45克、绿豆30克、白糖50克、清水适量。 『制法』 1、将黄豆、绿豆浸泡6—16小时。 　　　 2、将泡好的二豆装入LB豆浆机网罩中，杯体中加入清水，启动机器，十几分钟后豆浆煮熟。 　　　 3、趁热往杯体内加入白糖，调匀即成，不愿喝甜的也可不加糖。 『功效』 消暑止渴、清热败火。 『二豆蜜浆』 『用料』 红豆20克、绿豆80克、蜂蜜50克、清水适量。 『制法』 1、将红豆、绿豆浸泡6—16小时。 　　　2、将泡好的红豆、绿豆放入LB豆浆机网罩中，杯体中加入清水，启动机器，十几分钟后豆浆煮熟，稍凉后调入蜂蜜即成。 　　　3、趁热往杯体内加入白糖，不愿喝甜的也可不加糖。 『功效』 清热利水、健脾润肺、清热解毒。 『备注』 网罩中的豆渣加白糖调成豆沙，十分可口。 『“三加一”健康豆浆』 『用料』 青豆40克、黄豆20克、绿豆15克、清水适量、白糖适量。 『制法』 1、将三豆浸泡6—16小时。 　　　 2、将泡好的三豆放入LB豆浆机网罩中，杯体中按规定加入清水和白糖，启动机器， 十几分钟后豆浆煮熟。 『功效』 清热解暑。 『红枣绿豆豆浆』 『用料』 红枣（去核）15克、绿豆20克、黄豆40克、白糖50克、清水适量。 『制法』  1、将绿豆、黄豆浸泡6—16小时； 　　　 2、将红枣洗净与绿豆、黄豆一并放入LB豆浆机网罩中，杯体中加入清水，启动机器，十几分钟后豆浆煮熟； 　　　 3、趁热往杯体内加入白糖，搅匀即成，不愿喝甜的也可不加糖。 『功效』 补气提神，消暑凉血。  『蜂蜜豆浆』 『用料』 黄豆40克、绿豆35克、蜂蜜4克、清水适量。 『制法』 1、将黄豆、绿豆浸泡6—16小时。 　　　 2、将泡好的黄豆、绿豆装入LB豆浆机网罩中，杯体内放足清水，启动机器，十几分钟后豆浆煮熟，稍凉后调入蜂蜜即成。 『功效』 滋润五脏、美容润肠、补气益血、解暑止渴。 健脑益智类：  『益智豆浆』 『用料』 黄豆55克、核桃仁10克、黑芝麻5克、清水适量。 『制法』 1、将黄豆浸泡6—16小时。 　　　 2、将泡好的黄豆与核桃仁、黑芝麻一起装入LB豆浆机网罩中，杯体内加入足量清水，启动机器，十几分钟后豆浆煮熟。 『功效』 益智健脑。 『核桃杏仁露』 『用料』 杏仁40克、核桃40克、冰糖少许，清水适量。 『制法』 1、将杏仁、核桃装入LB豆浆机网罩中，杯体内按规定加入清。 　　　 2、启动机器， 十几分钟后豆浆煮熟，加适量冰糖即可。 『功效』 养颜益智。 『花生乳』 『用料』 花生60克、清水适量。 『制法』 1、将花生浸泡6-12小时，备用。 　　　 2、将泡好的花生装入豆浆机网罩中，将水装入杯体，启动机器，十几分钟后花生乳即成。 『功效』 补脑、健身、益智。  消暑冷饮  『香蕉奶昔』 『用料』香蕉100克；鲜奶1升（1000毫升）香草冰淇淋50克；白糖适量。 『制法』香蕉去皮洗净切块一同放入网罩（豆浆网或米糊网）内，往杯体内加入鲜奶1升（1000毫升），装好米糊机，启动“粉碎”键数次后，放入冰淇淋，即可。 『特点』香滑爽口，甜而不腻；营养丰富，富含维生素。 『备注』放入冰箱内冰冻后效果会更好。 『草莓奶昔』 『用料』草莓100克；鲜奶1升（1000毫升）香草冰淇淋50克；白糖适量。 『制法』将草莓洗净切块一同放入网罩（豆浆网或米糊网）内，往杯体内加入鲜奶1升（1000毫升），装好米糊机，启动“粉碎”键数次后，放入冰淇淋，即可。 『特点』色泽红润，口感冰爽，夏日食用，可解暑润肺。 『备注』放入冰箱内冰冻后效果会更好。 『香橙苹果什饮』 『用料』橙子50克苹果100克；鲜奶1升（1000毫升）蜂蜜若干。 『制法』将香橙，苹果洗净切块一同放入网罩（豆浆网或米糊网）内，往杯体内加入鲜奶1升（1000毫升），蜂蜜若干装好米糊机，启动“粉碎”键数次后，即可。 『特点』酸甜绵软，口感细滑。 『备注』放入冰箱内冰冻后效果会更好。 『蜜桃鲜蛋液』 『用料』牛奶1升（1000毫升）鸡蛋2只，新鲜或罐装蜜桃2个，蜜桃冰淇淋适量。 『制法』将鸡蛋打碎，新鲜洗净，或罐装蜜桃切块一同放入网罩（豆浆网或米糊网）内，往杯体内加入牛奶1升（1000毫升），装好米糊机启动“粉碎”键数次后，放入冰淇淋即可饮用。 『特点』营养丰富，最适合早餐饮用。 『备注』用同样的制法，可随便配以自己喜爱的鲜果、冰淇淋，制美味饮料。 『消暑酸奶』 『用料』绿豆50，香蕉50克；酸奶1升（1000毫升）白糖适量。 『制法』将绿豆浸泡（6-16）小时备用，将泡好的绿豆，洗净香蕉切块一同放入网罩（豆浆网或米糊网）内，往杯体内加入酸奶1升（1000毫升），装好米糊机，启动“粉碎”键数次后，放入糖即可。 『特点』营养丰富、口感好，可解渴降温，是夏日最好的饮品。 『备注』放入冰箱内冰冻后效果会更好。  『豆渣食谱』     营养食物纤维 『小豆腐』 『用料』豆渣适量、葱、姜沫、鸡蛋2个、盐、味精、油等 『制法』用油、葱花蒸锅后加入豆渣翻炒两下，打入鸡蛋，继续翻炒三五分钟，加入盐、味精等调味品即可。 『作用』含丰富的营养，常吃能健身补脑。  『豆渣丸子』 『用料』豆渣适量、瘦肉1-2两、鸡蛋2个、青菜少许、面粉适量、食盐适量 『制法』将瘦肉和表菜切碎，和豆渣、鸡蛋、面粉一块搅和，调入食盐，做成丸子，入锅煮熟即可。 『作用』营养丰富全面，适于补虚。  『豆渣蛋饼』 『用料』 鸡蛋3个、豆渣100克、葱花、盐、食油适量 『制法』 1、将豆渣装入盆中，打入鸡蛋，并将盐葱花等加入其中搅拌均匀。 　　　    2、将少许食油倒入炒勺内，待油热后将准备好的豆渣鸡蛋倒入其中，摊平四五分钟后即可食用。    『特点』 做出的豆渣蛋饼色黄味香，含有丰富的蛋白质。尤其适合厌食、肥胖或营养不良的儿童和老人食用。  『五豆窝头』 『用料』五豆豆渣100克、玉米面40克、水少许 『制法』将五豆豆渣放入盆中，加入玉米面，搅拌均匀，捏成窝头，入锅蒸十分钟即可。 『特点』五豆窝头有丰富的营养，具有降脂补脑降压等多种作用，中老年人经常食用对保健养生大有益处。 豆渣食谱：豆渣食谱家用全自动豆浆机打完豆浆后，留存在网罩内的豆渣，细腻糯软，浓香爽口，比起工业产豆浆后的豆渣又干净又细腻，弃之可惜，若善加利用，细心调配，亦可制成独具风味的美食。 1.营养早餐： 豆渣沥干之后，色拉油烧至5成热，先用花椒、大蒜爆锅，然后将豆渣倒进去翻炒，炒熟。放多一点葱花，再翻炒片刻，盐可以放但不要放太多。配上豆浆，泡菜，烧饼馒头，再加一个鸡蛋，就是很好的早餐。 2.什锦豆渣饼： 豆浆机产生的豆渣加适量面粉、面包糖、五香粉、胡椒粉、鸡精等配料；什锦配料可自己根据口味选配，如：香菇、青椒、辣椒、红椒、洋葱、大葱、火腿肉、精肉馅、莲藕、胡萝卜等；加入鸡蛋、香油、水适量和面成微软状；做成适当大小的薄饼入平锅或电饼铛煎制即可。 3.豆渣粥： 用料：豆渣、玉米面，一比一，加少许水调成糊状，另烧半锅开水，待开水沸腾后倒如调好的豆渣糊，煮沸片刻即得。特点：比只用玉米面作的粥香甜，更近于国内加豆面的那种玉米面烧成的粥。 4.小豆腐： 用料：豆渣适量、葱、姜沫、鸡蛋2个、盐、味精、油等做法，用油、葱花爆锅后加豆渣翻炒，打入鸡蛋，继续翻炒。作用：含丰富的营养，常吃能健身补脑。 5.豆渣蛋饼： 用料：鸡蛋3个、豆渣100克、葱花、盐、食油适量。做法： 1、将豆渣装入盆中，打入鸡蛋，并将盐、葱花等加入其中搅拌均匀。2、将少许食油加入饼铛中，然后将准备好的豆渣鸡蛋倒入电饼档中，摊平四五分钟后即可食用。特点：做出的豆渣蛋饼色黄味香，含有丰富的蛋白蛋。尤其适合厌食肥胖或营养不良的儿童和老人食用。 6.五豆窝头： 用料：豆渣100克、玉米面40克、水少许。将五豆豆渣放入盆中，加入玉米面，搅拌均匀，捏成窝头，入锅蒸十分钟即成。特点：五豆窝头有丰富的营养，具有降脂补脑降压等多种作用，经常食用对保健养生大有益处。 7.豆渣丸子： 用料：豆渣适量、瘦肉1-2两、鸡蛋2个、青菜少许、面粉适量、食盐适量。将瘦肉和表菜切碎，和豆渣、鸡蛋、面粉一块搅和，调入食盐，做成丸子，入锅煮熟即可。作用：营养丰富全面，适于补虚。

Since I bought a soy milk maker, it's a good idea to use the residual after making the soy milk.
Here are some recipes I collected online:
豆腐渣因口感差几乎被人们遗忘，但是它含有丰富的蛋白质，而脂肪含量却很低，豆腐渣富含纤维素，纤维素可吸收糖分，从而缓解身体对多余糖分的吸收。豆腐渣可解除饥饿感抑制脂肪生成，故可减肥。
此外豆腐渣中含有大量人体所需的钙质，每100克豆腐渣中钙的含量达0.1克，同牛奶一样，所以豆腐渣也是补钙强壮骨路的保健食品。
以下介绍豆腐渣的几种吃法：
(1)葱末豆腐渣
原料：豆腐渣500克，葱花200克，精盐、味精各适量，色拉油50克。
制法： 豆腐渣放入盘中上锅蒸透，葱花撤在豆腐渣上备用。炒锅上火，注入色拉油烧至六成热时放少许葱花，炒出香味，倒入盘中豆腐渣及葱花，煸炒片刻放盐、味精颠炒出锅。
(2)豆腐渣炒蒜苗
原料：豆腐渣200克，青蒜100克，花椒水、盐、姜末、色拉油各适量。
制法：
①将青蒜切成碎末备用。
②炒锅上火，放入色拉油，加入姜末稍炸，将豆腐渣放入炒几下，倒入花椒水，加盐和青蒜翻炒几下即成。
(3)茄汁豆腐渣
原料：番茄酱50克，豆腐渣200克，笋50克，盐、味精、糖各适量，色拉油50克。
制法：
①将笋洗净，切为细丝，入沸水中焯一下备用。
②将炒锅上火，倒入色拉油炒番茄酱，酱出红油倒入豆腐渣，笋丝翻炒片刻加盐，味精拌炒即成。
(4)三色豆腐渣
原料：豆腐渣200克，青辣椒50克，胡萝卜50克，葱末、精盐、味精、色拉油各适量。
制法：
①将青椒、胡萝卜分别洗净均切小方丁，入开水中焯一下备用。
②炒锅上火，放入色拉油，油热放葱、豆腐渣、盐煸炒片刻，然后入青辣椒丁、胡萝卜丁、味精速炒即可出锅。
(5)锅榻豆腐渣
原料：豆腐渣150克，鸡蛋2个，葱10克，胡萝卜10克，精盐、味精各适量，色拉油50克。
制法：
①将豆腐渣入蒸锅蒸10分钟，取出备用。
②鸡蛋打入碗中，搅打成泡，葱切细末，胡萝卜搅汁，同入碗中加豆腐渣再次搅拌备用。
③炒锅上火，注入色拉油，油热将碗中之物倒入，炸至金黄色将味精、盐和水倒入锅中，盖上盖子焖上几分钟，汁尽出锅即成。
（6）香炸豆腐渣
原料：豆腐渣，淀粉，精面粉，白糖，牛奶，芝麻，植物油
做法:各种原料拌匀，揉成团，做成饼状，平锅里放植物油烧热，放入做好的豆腐渣饼炸制，待两面呈棕红色时捞出即可。
其他方法
油热爆葱，放入肉末，加一点点酱油，放入豆入渣炒熟就好了，也可以不放肉炒素的。
牛肉馅,罗卜丝(热水烫过)豆腐渣,葱,姜切碎,调料粉,盐,鸡精调和好,加少许面粉 炸丸子,决对美味
近年来，国外的科学家研究发现，豆腐渣中含有较多的抗癌物质“异黄酮”。经常吃点豆腐渣，可以大大降低乳腺癌、前列腺癌、胰腺癌及大肠癌的发病危险。
　　研究结果同时表明，豆腐渣还含有大量的钙，每100克豆腐渣中含有100毫克钙，几平与牛奶的含钙量相等。值得一提的是，豆腐渣中的钙具有极易被人吸收利用的特点，是人们补钙最价廉、易得的佳品。此外，豆腐渣中的纤维素能吸附食物中的糖分，减少小肠壁对葡萄糖的吸收，减轻胰脏的负担。因此，常吃豆腐渣能预防和辅助治疗糖尿病。
豆渣中有蛋白质、糖类，但主要是膳食纤维。膳食纤维可以防治便秘、降血脂、血糖，对肥胖症、高血压、高脂血症、经常性便秘等疾病都有预防和治疗作用。但豆渣的口感不好，一般在磨制豆浆时，第一二次取豆浆，剩下的磨细直接做成豆花或者煮豆浆稀饭或者豆腐，口感就好多了。

高血压，医生向我推荐一种饮食疗法：喝豆浆，以黄豆为主，加少量的黑豆、豌豆、花生和核桃仁。

1)豆渣粥
用料：豆渣与西人店都可以买到的玉米面，一比一左右。
加少许水调成糊状，另烧半锅开水，待开水沸腾后倒如调好的豆渣糊，煮沸片刻即得。
特点，比只用玉米面作的粥香甜，更近于国内加豆面的那种玉米面烧成的粥。
2)小豆腐
用料：豆渣适量、葱、姜沫、鸡蛋2个、盐、味精、油等
做法：把油、葱花、姜末放入豆渣中，在锅内翻炒两下，打入鸡蛋，继续翻炒3～5分钟，加入盐、味精等调味品即可。
作用：含丰富的营养，常吃能健身补脑。
3)豆渣蛋饼
用料：鸡蛋3个、豆渣100克、葱花、盐、食油适量
做法：1、将豆渣装入盆中，打入鸡蛋，并将盐葱花等加入其中搅拌均匀。
2、将少许食油加入饼铛中，然后将准备好的豆渣鸡蛋倒入电饼档中，摊平四五分钟后即可食用。
特点：做出的豆渣蛋饼色黄味香，含有丰富的蛋白蛋。尤其适合厌食肥胖或营养不良的儿童和老人食用。
4)五豆窝头
用料：一豆豆渣100克、玉米面40克、水少许
做法：将五豆豆渣放入盆中，加入玉米面，搅拌均匀，捏成窝头，入锅蒸十分钟即成。
特点：五豆窝头有丰富的营养，具有降脂补脑降压等多种作用，经常食用对保健养生大有益处。
5)豆渣发糕
将豆渣倒入一只碗中，加入适量面粉和少许发面粉，静止几分钟后，放进平盘，放入蒸锅蒸熟，一盘又松又软的豆渣发糕就做好了。揭锅后，将平盘中的豆渣发糕切成适当的方块或长条就可食用了。这种豆渣发糕不仅营养丰富，而且其中的粗纤维对人体的消化系统、防治糖尿病等大有好处。
6)炒豆渣。用葱花、调料炒，是一道味道颇佳的主食兼副食
7)鸡蛋豆渣饼。用豆渣和鸡蛋烙制薄饼，作为早餐面食营养不错
8)豆渣糕:豆渣加水、加面种（没有的话用酵母、泡打粉也行），发一个晚上，第二天做时加牛奶、鸡蛋、糖，微波炉里转上几分钟，就成豆渣糕了，发得好大，象发糕一样。
9)用豆渣炸丸子。
原料： 新鲜豆渣、面粉、胡萝卜丝、香菜末、花椒粉、盐。
制法： 将以上原料搅拌均匀（不要加水）制成丸子，炸时火不要太旺，炸好后，外焦里嫩，口感很好且极富营养。
10)豆渣也有个简单的吃法，放上油，葱花，姜末，把豆渣炒一下，放清水适量开后放上青菜（也可以先把青菜用水绰一下），打上一个鸡蛋，盛盘滴上香油，味道也是不错的。
11、什锦豆渣煎饼http://www.ecpay.cn/mumu/douzha.htm 图片介绍制作过程。
12、营养早餐：豆渣沥干之后，色拉油烧至5成热，先用花椒、大蒜爆锅，然后将豆渣倒进去翻炒，炒熟。放多一点葱花，再翻炒片刻，盐可以放但不要放太多。配上豆浆，泡菜，烧饼馒头，再加一个鸡蛋，就是很好的早餐。
13、豆渣丸子：豆渣适量、瘦肉1-2两、鸡蛋2个、青菜少许、面粉适量、食盐适量。将瘦肉和表菜切碎，和豆渣、鸡蛋、面粉一块搅和，调入食盐，做成丸子，入锅煮熟即可。作用：营养丰富全面，适于补虚。
14.豆渣饼的制作面饼基本配方：
精白粉150g、马铃薯粉46g、砂糖21g、食盐1.2g、花生油18g、鸡蛋6g。 以一定比例的豆渣取代部分面粉，经和面、成型、烘烤(或油炸)制成一系列食品。
15.白豆沙馅的制作
新鲜豆渣加适量水，用高速组织捣碎机搅拌破碎，用纱布滤至半干。蒸煮约18min，加入豆渣量70％的白砂糖，煮至稠糊状、用烘箱烘至表面无水，即得成品。
用上述方法制得的白豆沙馅风味较好，口感比纯豆沙粗糙，粘稠性也较低，但完全可以取代豆沙制作各种包点。
16 豆渣牛肉丸的制作
原料配方(％)：豆渣糊34.0、碎牛肉7.8、人造奶油0.8、鲜奶油7.6、面粉7.6、洋葱15.1、调味料0.8、食盐0.45、面粉 18.25、水7.6。用豆渣代替原牛肉丸子配料中的马铃薯泥，成品口感滑润，无豆渣味。豆渣牛肉丸子中，蛋白质、膳食纤维含量高，是一种很理想的食品。
17.白菜炖豆渣: 油烧热,把豆渣和白菜丝放入炒一炒,豆渣炒出香味儿,然后放水煮直到豆渣熟了.不要炖得太干.当然要适当放盐,酱油,也可以放一小瓣大料(八角),花椒什么的.很好吃的啊.


现代的营养学研究证明，豆腐渣具有很高的营养价值。中医认为豆腐渣味甘性凉，具有清热解毒，消肿止血的作用。常适量的进点豆腐渣大有好处，可防治动脉硬化，高血压，糖尿病，便秘等，对老年人延年益寿也很有作用：

1.防治便秘：
豆腐渣中含有大量的食物纤维，是膳食纤维中最好的纤维素，被称为大豆纤维。常驻机构吃豆腐渣能增加大便体积，使粪便松软，并可促进肠蠕动，有利于排便。可防治便秘，肛裂，痔疮和肠癌。

2. 防治心脑血管疾病：
豆腐渣中的食物纤维能吸附贮留于十二指肠内胆汁中的内源性胆固醇，阻止了胆固醇的吸收，从而有效地降低血浆和肝脏的胆固醇水平，对预防血粘稠度增高、高血压，动脉粥样硬化，冠心病，中风等病的发生都非常有利。此外豆腐渣中的钙还能抵御血压的升高，心脑血管疾病的患者常吃豆腐渣，在助于疾病的康复。可减少中风、心肌梗塞发生的危险。

3. 降低血糖：
豆腐中的纤维素还可以吸附食物中的糖份，减少肠壁对葡萄糖的吸收，经常吃豆腐渣，能预防糖尿病。此外豆渣还含有粗蛋白质，不保和脂肪酸，这些物质有利于延缓肠诞辰对糖的吸收，降低餐后血糖上长的速度；纤维素还能使胰高血糖素的分泌的兴奋性降低，并影响氨基酸的代谢，从南昌可防止进食后血糖的迅速升高，对控制糖尿病的患者的血糖十分有利。

4. 减肥瘦身：
豆腐渣具有高膳食纤维、高粗蛋白，低脂肪、低热量的特点，肥胖者吃后不仅有饱腹感，而且热量比其它食物低，在减肥期间食用可解除饥饿感，抑制脂肪生成，又能为身体提供必要的营养成份，使健康瘦身效果更显着。

5. 防癌抗癌：
美、德、日及荷兰等国科学家先后发现，豆腐渣中含有较多的抗癌物质皂角苷，经常吃点豆腐渣，可大降低乳腺癌，前列腺癌，胰腺癌，及大肠癌的发病危险。

6. 预防骨质疏松：
豆腐渣中含有大量的人体所需要的钙质，每100克豆腐渣中钙的含量达0.1，同牛奶一样，所有的豆腐渣也是补钙强壮骨骼的保健食品，豆腐渣中地保健钙质，极易在消化道吸收，它对人体传导神经的功能信号，维持组织器官和运动系统的生理机能都十分必要，同时可补充骨骼和牙齿的钙质，能防治中老年人的骨质疏松症。

7. 美白养颜（MM们注意了哦…… ）
豆渣中含有丰富的营养成分，以纤维素和蛋白质为主，可以吸附皮肤表层的平时不容易清洗的垃圾，所以有美白养颜的功效！具体方法：用温热的豆渣拌入少许蜂蜜，洁面，然后取一些拌好的豆渣在脸上轻轻的搓揉（手法同按摩霜或去角质霜），再将剩下的豆渣敷在脸上（薄厚自便），用棉质面膜或毛巾沾水拧干盖在上面保持水分，十五到二十分钟后揭掉面膜用清水洗净，再用冷水洗脸，这时，你就会觉得脸上有紧绷的感觉，而且肤色明显变白了许多，脸上的雀斑也淡了，最后，再搽上晚霜或保湿产品就OK了！（变得更漂亮了记得帖照片出来哦……）

Life is endless. Time is the best cure.

Time goes so fast. I didn't try to write anything down for a while. Now when I look back, I can talk to others normally about my loss, and I can think to prepare for the next one. No wonder people always say time is the best cure.

I still do not understand why. None of us has bad habits such as smoking, drinking, or drug. I didn't miss any regular check, and I ate all stuffs no matter I like them or not. The worst comes worst is I didn't feel any problem. It is not like I saw a spot, or I felt the pain. Nothing. It is gone silently. I heard the heart beat before, the next exam told me no more heart beat detected. The doctor told me that it is called "missed miscarriage" and it is nothing abnormal. Suddenly, my world was turned upside down.

Even though the modern technology develops a lot, doctor has no clue why I had it. She just gave me two choices: either medicine or D&C. I picked D&C because I don't want to flush my precious baby down to the toilet. It is unbearable to think about that. The procedure is a small, fast outpatient surgery. I lied with clear mind, my husband stayed with me all the time. There are some bleeding, and cramps afterwards. But there is not much pain, or I can not feel it physically. I just felt empty all by myself, and that drove me crazy. It took me long time to go through that kind of emptiness.

Half year past by. I thought the pain will never end. It is still with me, but not that dominant. Life continues. I was told to move on and I have to look ahead. I attended another baby shower. I can even prepare the baby shower for my friend without tears down in my face. Inside my heart, nobody will see. I can look at all baby stuff on the shelf, and try to pick the best as the presents. Although I am in deep deep jealous while I looked at happy one, I felt guilty to envy their happiness. I would guess what will that be if I didn't have that damn missed miscarriage. It is expected time if I am still happy one.

The good thing is not much people know my loss. I hate people asking me how am I doing although that is friendly concerns. I hate to answer " I'm doing better, thanks". However, that can be another devastating start. On and on and on, people ask when you will have your baby during the baby shower. I hate it too. I thought I was mentally prepared before the shower. I am not. Attending the baby shower and preparing for the baby shower are the most difficult things I have ever done after the miscarriage. Sometimes I was wondering that women may suffer much more than men. My husband didn't show much emotional responses for the shower. Or maybe I am wrong since I didn't show up in my face too. I know I am healing, but the scar in my heart will stay with me forever.

With all my hearts, I hope all expected mother will not experience the pain. But if you do, you have all my support, friendship, and wishes. You can talk all your grief, loneliness, depression, and healing with me or here. I felt silent in my grief. It is a pain nothing else can compare. You have to overcome by yourself. I, like a lot of other grievers, am always here for you.

In theory, it might be good thing for my baby because scientists said that the root cause comes from some defects of fetus. In real life, I blamed everything I can blame, including myself. I should not get cold, I should not eat this or that, I should do more exercise before the pregnancy, etc... Nothing can take the time back and return my happiness to me. The only thing I can do is to let it go and keep a secret garden for my baby in my heart forever. We do not have predestined relation. That is the fate.

At least I have the courage to share my feeling, and contribute to others. I collected a lot of websites on my way. Here is the link to those information about miscarriage:
http://del.icio.us/puzzle/miscarriage
I hope those information can help people understand more and stop blame themselves. Accept the fate and move on. I hope my precious baby will come back to me. The same wishes to all of you who suffered.

缘起缘灭，渠会永无缘。

A Surreal World: Massacre At Virginia Tech

Days ago, I'm still mourn about my baby lost. Today, people start to mourn about at least confirmed 33 lives including gunman himself gone.

I was totally shocked. How can that happen? I do not understand how can that world turns out to be a surreal reality. No matter how much condolences shared with their family and friends, the lives was lost forever.

I was frighted when I heard the news that the gunman seems to try to take down as much lives as possible when shooting happened. After I lost my expecting baby, I can really understand how sorrowful it can be. The world turned out to be no color, no sound, nothing to feel and nothing left. I felt totally blank even I just start to expecting for 2 months. I can not image how those families can think after they lost their proud kids. I felt more than angry to that gunman. He may have rights to take away his life, how can he do that grim thing to all others easily?

It's not just one person's fault. Even before the authorities get their conclusion, I can say that. I can not blame everything to that deadly gunman.

The tragic event sounds like a movie. You will never expect it happen in real life, no matter it closes to yours or somebody else life.

The modern society is losing its moral foundation. Is the world becoming such a evil place to live? I don't believe that I ever heard that much sick things happened before. It seems like the crime is getting worse. Why?

Look at people who make a lot of money from weapon transactions, and ask why the rule to control weapons can never be passed? I hope that the unbelievable event can bring the gun restriction back to table. I also hope that those stakeholders can offer the real help instead of playing politics to those people who are and will be affected by the tragedy.

Look at the fact that so many innocent people died during the war, and ask why an invasion can be supported by the government who supposedly maintain the peace?

Everybody deserves his or her peaceful life, no matter he or she lived in Virginia or Iraq.

I'm still horrified by the tragedy. I just hope the massacre can be prevented in the future by peaceful mind, instead of more security.

Life is unfair (2)

It was in draft mode for a while. I decided to publish it since that was my life and the happiness once with me even it is unfinished:

I waited a while for the final result. I kept refreshing the online lab result, nothing new came out. I felt the time goes so slow. Or maybe we're just so eager to know the result. Einstein's theory of relativity has been proved again here. I can't wait for the next appointment 2 weeks later. I have to know NOW.
I emailed my doctor questioning the lab result. I kept refreshing my inbox and hope for a reply sitting there.
Finally, a message arrived at my inbox: " Yes, you're pregnant according to the test result."
Wow! what else can be more exciting than this? At the same time, I start to worry a lot: will everything be fine or not? How scare the delivery will be? Will I be a good mom and responsible for my baby? Will that be she or he? Oh, I do not really care about the answer to the last questions.
We went to buy prenatal vitamins immediately. After that, we are so exciting and can't stop smiling. In a word, I can not express how happy I am. We start to call our parents, since they're waiting for it for a while.
We decide that we have to move to a better school district. Even we do not have baby yet, we start to worry about his or her future. I can understand why people are willing to pay a lot for a good school district house for their kids now.
We go to pregnancy lessons. We collect a lot of information online and from books. We absorb every knowledge useful for our baby. Suddenly it is the only world we have.
That is just the start. It is thrilling feeling when we hear the heart beat from baby. Doctor printed out the picture of fetus. That tiny baby changed our whole world.

Life is unfair (1)

Life is unfair. Sometimes, you do not have a choice. The only thing you can do is looking ahead and hoping for the change. So many things happened recently. At least now I can look back and sing "life is unfair" without tears down.
Can you just image that the minute before you're still in heaven, the minute after you fall into the hell? I do. I can still remember clearly that morning three months earlier.
Last December, I have request an appointment of yearly pap smear check after reading the materials about the benefits of regular check. I got an appointment 6 weeks later. I went to hospital while my husband was painting the family room. After the registration, a nurse took my weight, temperature, BP measurements, plus an urinary sample. Then she showed me the waiting room for doctor. After a while, doctor walked in. She looks seriously and start to talk, "Your result is positive."
"Positive? uh, what does that means?" I asked confusedly.
She smiled. "Congratulation! You may pregnant!"
??? I'm totally shocked. "uh...uh...uh...," my thought is still around if there is anything wrong with my annual check without really digesting the word of pregnancy.
Maybe I looked so reluctant while she's waiting for some exciting responses. She asked carefully, "uh, do you or your partner expect the baby or ...?"
I suddenly waked up by her question. "No, no, I didn't expect this result. No, I didn't mean that I do not want the baby. It's just... just I didn't prepare to hear that. Oh, no, of course I want it. No, we want it. It's just a shocking news." I kept waggling my head to prevent any thought that I or we do not want the baby.
She looked eased and started to do some ultrasonic check. She can not find any proof from ultrasound result. She said that it could be too early to tell. Then she requested a blood hormone test for me and told me to wait for that hCG test result confirmation. Of course, she told me the possibility of miscarriage. At that time, I have no idea of miscarriage and scared to death after I hear it.
I drove home with slowest speed I ever have. After I told my husband the great news, I started the online browsing immediately. I have even a tiny bit knowledge of pregnancy. First I looked at the hCG test. For hCG test, people need to draw blood sample twice within 48 hours and look at the hCG level difference. About 85% of normal pregnancies will have the hCG level double every 48 - 72 hours. As you get further along into pregnancy and the hCG level gets higher, the time it takes to double can increase to about every 96 hours. Then I looked around for all pregnancy related information. I'm so grateful and amazed that how much information you can retrieve via internet nowadays.
2 days later, I draw the second blood sample. I'm so eager to know the result. While we're waiting, I kept asking my husband same questions again and again: "Is that true? Am I really pregnant?"
Yeah, I'm still not ready to be in parent club. I'm scared. I do not think that I'm ready to be a good mother and keep saying that I do not have any family plan now. But who cares? From the moment I understand the news, I AM EXPECTING! I was flooded with enthusiasm and ecstasy.

Mr. right or not?

Today I read a Chinese romance novel. It reminds me a old Chinese poem. The poem was narrated by a married woman. She finally meet her soul mate after she got married. The tradition Chinese culture does not allow women divorce their husband. She returned the pearl from her lover, and cried :What a pity that I didn`t meet you before I was married! (Forgive me for my pool transalation.) The poem itself is very beautiful! The novel is very touching.
还君明珠双泪垂，恨不相逢未嫁时。不是不曾心动，不是没有可能，只是有缘无份，情深缘浅，我们爱在不对的时间。


If you meet your Mr. Right at the right time, God bless you!
If you meet your Mr. Right at the wrong time, keep it in your deepest memory!
在对的时间遇上对的人，是神最美好的祝福！
在不对的时间遇上对的人，是记忆里最深的烙痕……

Friend indeed is friend in need?

I didn't feel very well last week. One of my best friend's life changed dramatically, but I didn't know it at all. We were very close in the past, kind of soul mate. I knew that something is going on, like she's not happy for a while, she wanna talk. I just ignored all signals I sensed without paying special attention. I promised to call her, but never did it.
Too busy, too tired after the work, job change and health issues are all lame excuses. I feel so shame of myself after I finally talked to her and found it out. Fortunately she already went through the down side, and started her new life. What if I could be a real friend, stay with her when she needs me years ago? I cannot forgive myself.
Life changes, everything is changing, how can we keep the friendship? Just pick the phone, talk to friends, send an email, chat online, whatever we can do before it's too late. A friend don't need any special events to stay in touch.