No is today's biggest challenge

William Ury's new book "The power of a positive No" describe a big challenge in today's society. He provides great advice on negotiation on his book series. Firstly, you need to understand yourself and be able to say no to defend your interests, which is the focus of "The power of a positive No"; secondly, you need to know how what is the interests of the other side, which is the focus of "Getting past No"; and finally, you need the both side working together to reach the agreement, which is the focus of "Getting to Yes".

Saying No means the possible stretch on relationship, while saying Yes means the possible stretch on yourself. The book starts with Three-A Trap description:

• Accommodate: do you ever have time to say Yes to your boss while you actually want to say No? That's the time you sacrifice yourself fearing to lose relationship;
• Attack: do you ever have time to say No to your partner angrily with a lot of hurting words you will be regret saying while you recover your sanity? That's the time you focus only on yourself and behave destructively on relationship without calm;
• Avoid: do you ever have time just keep silent while you really should speak out your opinions no matter it's Yes or No? William Ury quoted a great statement from Martin Luther King Jr., " Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

Do we always need to trade off between our interests and our relationships? Is there any way we can adopt to affirm what we want without comprise the relationship? William Ury's answer is a positive No, which he illustrated as a "Yes! No. Yes?" paradoxical tree below:

• Yes!: The root of tree comes from a Yes to your deeper interests which sustain the tree; This is a Yes to your own interests and to explain the reason you are saying No.
  
• No.: The trunk of tree comes from a No to assure your limit and power; This is a No expressing where you are standing.
  
• Yes?: The next Yes is the branches, foliage, and the fruits grown based on root and reach towards outside on top of the trunk of No. That is the positive balance between relationship and interests, which is the win-win situation we wanted for negotiation. This is a Yes to question a new proposal or an alternative to solve the result of No.
  

One good lesson we learned while we're searching for the deepest needs is Never response on angry or fear or any negative feeling. As Ury stated: " Anger can blind, fear can paralyze, and guilt can weaken." Thus it's easy to get into Three-A trap since anger leads to attack, fear leads to accommodate, and guilt leads to avoid. No wonder people always say the biggest obstacle to get over is yourself. To avoid react on negative emotion, we can take some time out, just wait a minute, listen and control our emotions.

Sometimes, the internal interests are not obvious reason to say No. There is a useful way to find out the deepest interests by digging deeper to Five Whys. Ury listed the five most common basic human needs are:

• Safety or survival
• Food, drink, and other life necessities
• Belonging and love
• Respect and meaning
• Freedom and control over one's fate

Similarly, there are certain values are common for individuals, such as honesty, integrity, respect, tolerance, kindness, solidarity, fairness, courage, and peace, which could provide motivation for your Yes. What really matters to you is the root of Yes.

On the way achieving a positive Yes, there are a lot of rule of thumbs to follow, such as:

• To transform negative emotion into positive intentions, we need to observe and accept the negative emotions, conserve the energy, then release it constructively towards positive actions.
• Our No is for our needs, not against the other.
• Prepare a Plan B, BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement), if Plan A -- Acceptance is not possible. Plan B is not an option for agreement, but rather an alternative to agreement. Thus Plan B can be executed without the cooperation from the other, while an option need acceptance from the other and depends on the other. Alternative plan B can be do it yourself, or exit the scenario, or look for the third side instead of the other. Also, it's not direct jump from agreement nonacceptance to Plan B. We need some smaller intermediate plans before we arrived at the ultimate plan.
• Seek likely allies and build a winning coalition are great way to empower the positive No.
• Before express the positive, reassess our decision by checking if we have the interest in saying No; if we have the power in saying No; and if we have the right in saying No. If all answers are yes, consider the worst case scenario and prepare the alternative plan. Sometimes, plan B is not necessary to attack the others. It's more effective to remove the ability of the others to attach us.
• Start with self respect, we can respect the others because of who we are. Respect is an expression of ourselves and our values. Act with respect, we are able to observe the others and their interests.
• Active listen and ask questions to clarify the needs and problem of the other, which helps to show our respect to the other. We only say No to the request itself, and we should never say No to the person no matter we like the person or not. Acknowledging the request and needs of the other is the best way to show the respect and recognition of the other.

• When we construct our Yes, we can use three kinds of statement to empower our Yes.
• The-statement is the fact based statement focusing on problematic behavior without confronting people: Stick to the fact; do not tell the other should or should not do something; do not use judgmental or subjective words; be careful of using "always, never, nothing, or everything" to categorize a person negatively.
• I-statement tells your interests and needs rather other's problem. Describe the fact and express the feeling, then describe the interests.
• We-statement shows a common ground for the shared interests

• It is challenging to say No in a clear, honest, and respectful way. The No needs to be assertive but not being too aggressive. Polite with calm tone is a good choice to say No. There are couple useful way to say No, such as:
• Direct saying firmly with "No" or "No, Thanks";
• Showing No is not a special against to the other: "I have a policy";
• Showing No honestly: " I have other commitment or other plan";
• Soften the focus when you are in doubt: "Not now";
• Acknowledge the limits clearly:"I prefer to decline rather than do a poor job"
• To express your rights and power by saying No firmly, clearly, and politely to wrong behavior: "Please stop/No";
• Interrupt the wrong behavior to call for a pause:"Hold on/Whoa/Wait a minute";
• Clarify the policy in a neutral announcement:"That's not OK/That's not appropriate/That's not allowed";
• Frame not OK as I-statement without hurting the relationship:"It's not OK for me/This doesn't work for me";
• Setting up the limit clearly. It's time to stop:"That's enough";
  
• A good strategy in saying No is to reframe the No into a Yes with implied No. Using a positive statement with a clear boundary defined by saying what is possible under what kind of condition.

• Do not stop at saying No. Step further by proposing other options to get Yes. "I do not want this" or "I will not do this" is no better than "Although No, I want that" or "Although No, I can do that". A win-win situation should address the interests of both sides. Here are couple technique we can use:
• Invent an option for mutual interests
• What about later?
• We can agree if you satisfied the following conditions, etc
• Suggest a problem solving process to figure out the common point.
• Positive proposal or constructive request has to be clear, precise, be specific, positive, respectful, and doable.
  
• People tend to choose from one of the choices when they were asked. Given an example: "Do you want to buy a pie?" may leads to answer No or Yes, while "Which one you want: an apple pie, a peach pie, or a pumpkin pie?" will likely leads to one of kind pie purchase instead of no purchase.
• Curve of acceptance derived from Kubler-Ross's research shows the general stages when people are facing No: starting from avoidance to No, to the denial of No, then anxiety or even anger feeling towards No, next bargaining started if threat doesn't work, then the sadness feeling leads to final acceptance. We can adopt the following techniques to lead the confrontation of No passing the curve and leading to the acceptance as soon and smooth as possible.
  
• Stay calm without attack or avoidance.
• "Save as draft" instead of "Send" to let the emotional response elapse, and regain the self-control.
• Figure out the tactic the other used to defend or attack, and name it in mind before response.
• Physically pinch the palm to stay clam and focus on the right thing.
• Sometimes not reacting and letting the other express their feeling and waiting for the chance to response is powerful.
• Be an active and respective listener but not an insider. Be empathized while listening to show your understanding instead of sympathized to feel the pain with the other side.
  
• Slowing down the discussion by repeating or paraphrasing what others said of your understanding could fast track the process of understanding and negotiation.
  
• "Let me make sure I understand what you are saying."
  
• "If I hear you right, you are saying that."
  
• "Help me understand. If I hear you correctly."
  
• Acknowledge the point but not give in. Let the other express their feeling and respect it without conceding ours: " I understand your point. It is a valid point. I happen to see the situation differently."
• Use "Both...and..." mind-set instead of "Either...or..." choice. "Yes,...and..." is easier to gain the agreement instead of the contradicting feeling of "but...".
• For people who used to be accommodate to the demands, "Oh?So?No." response is a great way to avoid the accommodating mistake:
• Oh? to acknowledge the other's words in a neutral voice;
• So? to let the other explain their needs and feeling and play all the tactics;
• No. to stay firm with our core interests.

• If others do not respect our No, do not react with the rage. Try to repeat our No to the other many times so that people can hear that your No means No. If that does not work, then educate the other the consequences of not respecting our No to show the power. If none of the positive methods are working, deploying the plan B as the last resort. Ury used a word from Sun Tzu: "The best general is the one who never fights." (不战而屈人之兵）
• Repeat No consistent and persistent.
  
• Find some Anchor phrases to use often, such as:
• "This doesn't work for me."
• "No thanks."
• "I am not comfortable doing that."
• "I am sorry, but I'm not interested."
• "We have already chosen a few charities where we want to focus our giving."
• "I am sorry, but I don't feel comfortable discussing that right now."
• "I would prefer not to."
• Use intentional repetition to let the other understand that your No really means No.
• Ask reality -testing questions so that the other can figure out the logical consequence of rejecting your No instead of just telling the other the result. Use warning if necessary instead of threating.
  
• "What will happen if..."
• "Have you thought about how this will affect... if..."

• What we really want in the end is a Yes of positive outcome. Thinking more about "Both...and..." or win-win situation to satisfy interests of both sides. To get to the final Yes, we need a Yes to the agreement from the other, we also need a Yes to approval from the other side, and eventually we need a Yes to maintain great relationship between us and the other.
  
• To get the agreement, stay firm to our essential interests without giving in, while we can try our best to understand and satisfy the unmet interests from the other.
• Our job is not done after we get the agreement from the other. We have to step into the other's shoe and think how the other gain the approval and support from their constituency, such as their boss, family, or even themselves. Use an "Acceptance Speech Test" to address who's their constituency, what are the key themes or arguments of their acceptance speech, what is the most likely criticisms to speech, such as "Why did you give up?", "What did you give up?""What about our needs?", etc, and what are the best responses we can help to prepare to criticisms. The help to get approval should be presented to the other in a respective way. Saving Face is important to achieve the approval and maintain the relationship.
• Saying No might comprise the relationship between us and the other. It is important to acknowledge the other, express the apology or regret sincerely to reach to the other and rebuild the trust and confidence. Looking for the opportunity to refill the Goodwill account after the negotiation. Acknowledge the difficulties or regrets, thank the other, and end with a positive future to show the respect. Here is a great example from Ury's book:

• "I know dealing with this issue hasn't been easy for either of us. I just want to thank you for your efforts to respect my needs in this situation. And I look forward to working with you on this issue and many others."

Reading this book was a great pleasure and enjoyable journey. I would recommend this book to whoever want to improve his or her ability to negotiate. It's not the book sitting on the shelf lonely. "Yes! No. Yes?" approach seems to resonate with real life all the time.

I would like to end this reading note with Ury's statement:
"There is no doubt that delivering a Positive No requires courage, vision, empathy, fortitude, patience, and persistence. But is is within the reach of everyone every day, and the rewards are potentially enormous."
"In closing, I wish you the kind of success that can come only from being true to yourself and respectful to others!"

Life is endless. Time is the best cure.

Time goes so fast. I didn't try to write anything down for a while. Now when I look back, I can talk to others normally about my loss, and I can think to prepare for the next one. No wonder people always say time is the best cure.

I still do not understand why. None of us has bad habits such as smoking, drinking, or drug. I didn't miss any regular check, and I ate all stuffs no matter I like them or not. The worst comes worst is I didn't feel any problem. It is not like I saw a spot, or I felt the pain. Nothing. It is gone silently. I heard the heart beat before, the next exam told me no more heart beat detected. The doctor told me that it is called "missed miscarriage" and it is nothing abnormal. Suddenly, my world was turned upside down.

Even though the modern technology develops a lot, doctor has no clue why I had it. She just gave me two choices: either medicine or D&C. I picked D&C because I don't want to flush my precious baby down to the toilet. It is unbearable to think about that. The procedure is a small, fast outpatient surgery. I lied with clear mind, my husband stayed with me all the time. There are some bleeding, and cramps afterwards. But there is not much pain, or I can not feel it physically. I just felt empty all by myself, and that drove me crazy. It took me long time to go through that kind of emptiness.

Half year past by. I thought the pain will never end. It is still with me, but not that dominant. Life continues. I was told to move on and I have to look ahead. I attended another baby shower. I can even prepare the baby shower for my friend without tears down in my face. Inside my heart, nobody will see. I can look at all baby stuff on the shelf, and try to pick the best as the presents. Although I am in deep deep jealous while I looked at happy one, I felt guilty to envy their happiness. I would guess what will that be if I didn't have that damn missed miscarriage. It is expected time if I am still happy one.

The good thing is not much people know my loss. I hate people asking me how am I doing although that is friendly concerns. I hate to answer " I'm doing better, thanks". However, that can be another devastating start. On and on and on, people ask when you will have your baby during the baby shower. I hate it too. I thought I was mentally prepared before the shower. I am not. Attending the baby shower and preparing for the baby shower are the most difficult things I have ever done after the miscarriage. Sometimes I was wondering that women may suffer much more than men. My husband didn't show much emotional responses for the shower. Or maybe I am wrong since I didn't show up in my face too. I know I am healing, but the scar in my heart will stay with me forever.

With all my hearts, I hope all expected mother will not experience the pain. But if you do, you have all my support, friendship, and wishes. You can talk all your grief, loneliness, depression, and healing with me or here. I felt silent in my grief. It is a pain nothing else can compare. You have to overcome by yourself. I, like a lot of other grievers, am always here for you.

In theory, it might be good thing for my baby because scientists said that the root cause comes from some defects of fetus. In real life, I blamed everything I can blame, including myself. I should not get cold, I should not eat this or that, I should do more exercise before the pregnancy, etc... Nothing can take the time back and return my happiness to me. The only thing I can do is to let it go and keep a secret garden for my baby in my heart forever. We do not have predestined relation. That is the fate.

At least I have the courage to share my feeling, and contribute to others. I collected a lot of websites on my way. Here is the link to those information about miscarriage:
http://del.icio.us/puzzle/miscarriage
I hope those information can help people understand more and stop blame themselves. Accept the fate and move on. I hope my precious baby will come back to me. The same wishes to all of you who suffered.

缘起缘灭，渠会永无缘。

A Surreal World: Massacre At Virginia Tech

Days ago, I'm still mourn about my baby lost. Today, people start to mourn about at least confirmed 33 lives including gunman himself gone.

I was totally shocked. How can that happen? I do not understand how can that world turns out to be a surreal reality. No matter how much condolences shared with their family and friends, the lives was lost forever.

I was frighted when I heard the news that the gunman seems to try to take down as much lives as possible when shooting happened. After I lost my expecting baby, I can really understand how sorrowful it can be. The world turned out to be no color, no sound, nothing to feel and nothing left. I felt totally blank even I just start to expecting for 2 months. I can not image how those families can think after they lost their proud kids. I felt more than angry to that gunman. He may have rights to take away his life, how can he do that grim thing to all others easily?

It's not just one person's fault. Even before the authorities get their conclusion, I can say that. I can not blame everything to that deadly gunman.

The tragic event sounds like a movie. You will never expect it happen in real life, no matter it closes to yours or somebody else life.

The modern society is losing its moral foundation. Is the world becoming such a evil place to live? I don't believe that I ever heard that much sick things happened before. It seems like the crime is getting worse. Why?

Look at people who make a lot of money from weapon transactions, and ask why the rule to control weapons can never be passed? I hope that the unbelievable event can bring the gun restriction back to table. I also hope that those stakeholders can offer the real help instead of playing politics to those people who are and will be affected by the tragedy.

Look at the fact that so many innocent people died during the war, and ask why an invasion can be supported by the government who supposedly maintain the peace?

Everybody deserves his or her peaceful life, no matter he or she lived in Virginia or Iraq.

I'm still horrified by the tragedy. I just hope the massacre can be prevented in the future by peaceful mind, instead of more security.

Life is unfair (2)

It was in draft mode for a while. I decided to publish it since that was my life and the happiness once with me even it is unfinished:

I waited a while for the final result. I kept refreshing the online lab result, nothing new came out. I felt the time goes so slow. Or maybe we're just so eager to know the result. Einstein's theory of relativity has been proved again here. I can't wait for the next appointment 2 weeks later. I have to know NOW.
I emailed my doctor questioning the lab result. I kept refreshing my inbox and hope for a reply sitting there.
Finally, a message arrived at my inbox: " Yes, you're pregnant according to the test result."
Wow! what else can be more exciting than this? At the same time, I start to worry a lot: will everything be fine or not? How scare the delivery will be? Will I be a good mom and responsible for my baby? Will that be she or he? Oh, I do not really care about the answer to the last questions.
We went to buy prenatal vitamins immediately. After that, we are so exciting and can't stop smiling. In a word, I can not express how happy I am. We start to call our parents, since they're waiting for it for a while.
We decide that we have to move to a better school district. Even we do not have baby yet, we start to worry about his or her future. I can understand why people are willing to pay a lot for a good school district house for their kids now.
We go to pregnancy lessons. We collect a lot of information online and from books. We absorb every knowledge useful for our baby. Suddenly it is the only world we have.
That is just the start. It is thrilling feeling when we hear the heart beat from baby. Doctor printed out the picture of fetus. That tiny baby changed our whole world.

Life is unfair (1)

Life is unfair. Sometimes, you do not have a choice. The only thing you can do is looking ahead and hoping for the change. So many things happened recently. At least now I can look back and sing "life is unfair" without tears down.
Can you just image that the minute before you're still in heaven, the minute after you fall into the hell? I do. I can still remember clearly that morning three months earlier.
Last December, I have request an appointment of yearly pap smear check after reading the materials about the benefits of regular check. I got an appointment 6 weeks later. I went to hospital while my husband was painting the family room. After the registration, a nurse took my weight, temperature, BP measurements, plus an urinary sample. Then she showed me the waiting room for doctor. After a while, doctor walked in. She looks seriously and start to talk, "Your result is positive."
"Positive? uh, what does that means?" I asked confusedly.
She smiled. "Congratulation! You may pregnant!"
??? I'm totally shocked. "uh...uh...uh...," my thought is still around if there is anything wrong with my annual check without really digesting the word of pregnancy.
Maybe I looked so reluctant while she's waiting for some exciting responses. She asked carefully, "uh, do you or your partner expect the baby or ...?"
I suddenly waked up by her question. "No, no, I didn't expect this result. No, I didn't mean that I do not want the baby. It's just... just I didn't prepare to hear that. Oh, no, of course I want it. No, we want it. It's just a shocking news." I kept waggling my head to prevent any thought that I or we do not want the baby.
She looked eased and started to do some ultrasonic check. She can not find any proof from ultrasound result. She said that it could be too early to tell. Then she requested a blood hormone test for me and told me to wait for that hCG test result confirmation. Of course, she told me the possibility of miscarriage. At that time, I have no idea of miscarriage and scared to death after I hear it.
I drove home with slowest speed I ever have. After I told my husband the great news, I started the online browsing immediately. I have even a tiny bit knowledge of pregnancy. First I looked at the hCG test. For hCG test, people need to draw blood sample twice within 48 hours and look at the hCG level difference. About 85% of normal pregnancies will have the hCG level double every 48 - 72 hours. As you get further along into pregnancy and the hCG level gets higher, the time it takes to double can increase to about every 96 hours. Then I looked around for all pregnancy related information. I'm so grateful and amazed that how much information you can retrieve via internet nowadays.
2 days later, I draw the second blood sample. I'm so eager to know the result. While we're waiting, I kept asking my husband same questions again and again: "Is that true? Am I really pregnant?"
Yeah, I'm still not ready to be in parent club. I'm scared. I do not think that I'm ready to be a good mother and keep saying that I do not have any family plan now. But who cares? From the moment I understand the news, I AM EXPECTING! I was flooded with enthusiasm and ecstasy.

The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell

There's one Malcolm I love most: "Malcolm in the middle". I found another interesting Malcolm theory " The Tipping Point". I heard this author from Mountain View library's2006 winter reader's activity: reading "Blink" by the same author. I didn't get time to read Blink yet. I'm sure that I will try it after I really enjoyed the tipping point.
The theory is very similar to an old Chinese saying:" Gradually quantity change will cause the quality change in a sudden". (量变而质变) All the concepts, products, information, and even population behavior can be spread like virus in exponential increasing speed. The starting point is tiny. After passing certain tipping point, the change could happen dramatically in a sudden. As we heard before, a butterfly flap its wings could cause a hurricane in the Pacific ocean. Furthermore, the change doesn't happen slowly and steadily, like moon's shape. It happens suddenly after passing the tipping point like the eruption of volcanoes. （"一夕之间，风云色变".）
One interesting example from book talks about community: once the percentage of Africa American who moved into certain community reach 20%, most of white American family will move out that community immediately.

How to write a great business plan

I read an old article by William Sahlman "How to write a Great business plan". It was published on July 1997 Harvard business review, almost 10 years ago. However, the essential part of a business plan has never been changed.
Here are some thoughts I learned from that article:

• Don't spend too much time to image the numbers, and ignore the information that really matters.
• Put break-even projections and positive figures into the back of plan.
• Great business plan contains four parts: the people who start and run the venture; the opportunity whether the business can grow and how fast it could be; the context of big picture; and the risk and reward assessment.
• The people is important since ideas are a dime a dozen; only execution skills count. The questions like who are they, what's their experience in industry, what's their relationship and reputation in industry, etc matters a lot.
• Investors prefer large and rapidly growing markets with a significatnt scale(that could be $50 million in annual revenues) within five years or as soon as possible.

There are a lot of shining points in this old-but-still-valuable articles. I would suggest whoever has a small business dream should read it. It will help you to understand what VCs are looking for although I haven't apply it and verify it in my real life.

Trick or Treat? Happy Halloween!

Here comes Halloween! My favorite pumpkin pie!
I love Halloween for all kinds of reasons. I love pumpkin pie all the time, yummy! I love those costume and decorations, although some of them look so disgusting. However, I do not like Trick-or-Treating approach, especially I hate to show it to kids.
Think about it : "Ding-dong!" someone is knocking your door. You come over, and see a cute boy or girl outside, wearing some cute costumes. How lovely they are! Then they start to ask:" Give me the candy! Otherwise, I'm going to play some tricks to make you regret it!" What? How come those lovely kids grow up so quickly? They do not know what's good for them. They will only mimic and learn from the adults. How sad it is to hear those lovely kids speaking like the adults. Everything needs to be exchanged. No free lunch. No free candy, of course. You can negotiate only if you have enough bargain chips.
I don't mind that creates a lot of retail than holiday itself. However, I do mind that creates a lot of "grown-up" kids. Let's just enjoy the delicious pies, sweet candies, and sweet neighbors without any contingency!

Bush, and "The Google"?

We should not surprise when we watch CNBC's interview with George Bush recently.
when the host asked Bush whether he ever googles anyone, Bush replied, "Occasionally. One of the things I’ve used on the Google is to pull up maps. It’s very interesting to see — I’ve forgot the name of the program — but you get the satellite, and you can — like, I kinda like to look at the ranch. It remind me of where I wanna be sometimes."
Maybe he's too busy listening to some inaccurate intels, he doesn't have any time to care for the new technology. First it's "The Internets" and now it's "The Google".
Or he's really missing his long vacation at the Texas ranch, instead of staying at the White House with all nation. I also wish he was back at the ranch, I mean real back, not just for vacation.
Oh, please, you can forgot the name of the program, but you can not forgot "the earth" , our mother earth. Thinking about those issues like global warming, pollution, education, violence, stopping the political tactics please!

Sometimes I wonder how he got elected.... and elected again... This question bothers me a lot. I do not understand how the nation was thinking. I did not see the characteristics for a great leader at all. Maybe I was wrong. Even Hitler had a lot of followers.
Or maybe just a wrong job for him. Jim Collins mentioned it in his book "Good to Great": turning a company from good to great is not only people, it is the right people. If person stays at a wrong position which doesn't fit to his or her "skills", that's a disaster for whoever/whatever affected by that position.
Should those government officials gain some idea about technology or networks, and how any of it works? Knowing $ and manipulating gas price is not the whole life, please. I don't expect all old generation people to be tech savy at all, however, to be the president of United States, even 100-years-old-man has to understand what's THE Tech.
At least if everybody does not read and does not want to receive any emails, we do not need to worry about spam emails, isn't that a great news?

Relation is longer than company

Last night, I learned an important statement from my leadership class by Kimberly Wiefling:
Relation is longer than company...
It could have many different interpretations for different people, as we know, seeing the whole meaning of sentence is more than understanding the dictionary definitions for each words.
The comment comes from a story: Alice(anonymous) has worked for many companies in her past experiences, either she left the company, or company ship sink down in economic stream. However, she's made a lot of connections from her past companies and learned this lesson. Her follower want to go wherever she goes. What an amazing trust between them! Relationship could last long even after the work environment is no longer exist.
My first job in the valley ended abruptly. It was a small start-up company. We had a wonderful team with all the dreams and energy to accomplish them. At the end of one normal work day, our CEO just told us the company funding used up after we've achieved that day's task. "Team are dismissed." What a shocking news! Alright, company is gone, but the connections are still there.
Couple years later, I'm in deepest need of some extra help for my project. One of my old team members called me and mentioned he's looking for a new job. "Why don't you come for an interview this afternoon"? I said to him. He showed up 2 hours later after the call. We discussed for a while, I told him my perspective and plan ......By the end of day, I got the signature for offer letter and he signed in. Reunion in a new wonderful team, how great it is!
I left that company some times later. He has been promoted to manager position much faster than he expected or ever planned. Every time we meet, he's excited and thrilled by all the opportunities. I feel so happy for him, and happy for the fact that we can still sit together and enjoy the dinner after many years.
The same rule applies for reputation. We all know how small the world is, and how powerful people comments could be in industry.
I would not want to have dinner with that CEO in my future life, not because of the shocking new he brought. I'm offended by the way he brought the news after whole team whole day's hard work.
Of course, it doesn't intend to compromise company's benefit. Company goal should be higher than personal goal as long as you are still stay with the company, otherwise, you'd better change the culture, or find out a different place suiting your needs. I think it will be useful before I make any decision related to people. And keep it in mind, I will keep making friends and connections among colleagues in my future long career.

Mr. right or not?

Today I read a Chinese romance novel. It reminds me a old Chinese poem. The poem was narrated by a married woman. She finally meet her soul mate after she got married. The tradition Chinese culture does not allow women divorce their husband. She returned the pearl from her lover, and cried :What a pity that I didn`t meet you before I was married! (Forgive me for my pool transalation.) The poem itself is very beautiful! The novel is very touching.
还君明珠双泪垂，恨不相逢未嫁时。不是不曾心动，不是没有可能，只是有缘无份，情深缘浅，我们爱在不对的时间。


If you meet your Mr. Right at the right time, God bless you!
If you meet your Mr. Right at the wrong time, keep it in your deepest memory!
在对的时间遇上对的人，是神最美好的祝福！
在不对的时间遇上对的人，是记忆里最深的烙痕……

Which blog tool are you using?

Nowdays, a lot of feed tools are available.
I personally like bloglines and do not plan to move to other feed tools.
Today I just tried Technorati @ Technorati Profile

Which blog tool are you using? What's your favorite? Tell me please.

Intersting marketing strategy

I started to monitor a website woot since last night. It's a very interesting e-commence website. Woot offers a new discounted product every day with the product expiring each midnight, or sold out, whichever comes first. It attracted a big community of customers, and they discussed the woot deals on the site's community forums. Their price is competitive, similar to closeout price. Actually the sale may not be always as big as some other Columbus day sale deal. However, people used to come and took a look everyday, I'm one of those additives.
From philosophy point of view, this woot really catch the point. It gives people a new hope every day, "tomorrow is another day". Even if you missed today's deal, you can always expect something new coming out tomorrow. It won't give you more products once they sold out, which dramatically reduce the investigation possibility. If you do not make the decision immediately, you might lose it, and you know the price is generally acceptable, finally, you will be ended with a lot of junks at home. (oh, they may not be real junk, but you do not really need them at all.) I remembered a old survey result shows that 60% people changed the purchase idea after 1 hour of consideration. See, here you don't have luxury time to think it over, then change your minds. After the sell, we all know how low return rate for Internet purchase. People are too lazy to return unless the product is really bad or not fit at all. That's the same reason why subscribe model is success and widely adopted by most of companies, for instance, cable and phone companies, or old AOL subscription. There are hundreds of ways to keep you stay in subscribed, and renew automatically, laziness is one of the determine reasons.
Talking about the subscription model, I have to admit that I admire apple or Steve Jobs quite a lot, although my two mp3 players are never ipod. Nobody thinks the 99 cents selling strategy will success, but it did. I knew some friends spend almost a thousand dollar last year from itune store, and they never noticed it until they received their yearly credit card summary! Wow! Seamless browse and buy makes you unaware of the payment. Of course, Steve's marketing strategy is amazingly beat everybody else.
Go back to woot, they started a special event “Woot-Off” since yesterday, that's why I keep monitoring their site. During a period of unannounced length, each product is replaced by a new product within a few minutes after selling out, until the end of the Woot-Off, when a regular product is listed for the remainder of the day. Since the next item in the Woot-Off will not be listed till the current item is sold out, you get your new hope, and have to make the decision soon, since it can be sold out within 2 minutes. It's like the fireworks, one after another, you never know what's the next.
Today the biggest accomplishment I did is to resist the purchase temptation! I didn't buy any woots after 24 hours watching and more than 1 million dollars sell!

Friend indeed is friend in need?

I didn't feel very well last week. One of my best friend's life changed dramatically, but I didn't know it at all. We were very close in the past, kind of soul mate. I knew that something is going on, like she's not happy for a while, she wanna talk. I just ignored all signals I sensed without paying special attention. I promised to call her, but never did it.
Too busy, too tired after the work, job change and health issues are all lame excuses. I feel so shame of myself after I finally talked to her and found it out. Fortunately she already went through the down side, and started her new life. What if I could be a real friend, stay with her when she needs me years ago? I cannot forgive myself.
Life changes, everything is changing, how can we keep the friendship? Just pick the phone, talk to friends, send an email, chat online, whatever we can do before it's too late. A friend don't need any special events to stay in touch.