Life is unfair (1)

Life is unfair. Sometimes, you do not have a choice. The only thing you can do is looking ahead and hoping for the change. So many things happened recently. At least now I can look back and sing "life is unfair" without tears down.
Can you just image that the minute before you're still in heaven, the minute after you fall into the hell? I do. I can still remember clearly that morning three months earlier.
Last December, I have request an appointment of yearly pap smear check after reading the materials about the benefits of regular check. I got an appointment 6 weeks later. I went to hospital while my husband was painting the family room. After the registration, a nurse took my weight, temperature, BP measurements, plus an urinary sample. Then she showed me the waiting room for doctor. After a while, doctor walked in. She looks seriously and start to talk, "Your result is positive."
"Positive? uh, what does that means?" I asked confusedly.
She smiled. "Congratulation! You may pregnant!"
??? I'm totally shocked. "uh...uh...uh...," my thought is still around if there is anything wrong with my annual check without really digesting the word of pregnancy.
Maybe I looked so reluctant while she's waiting for some exciting responses. She asked carefully, "uh, do you or your partner expect the baby or ...?"
I suddenly waked up by her question. "No, no, I didn't expect this result. No, I didn't mean that I do not want the baby. It's just... just I didn't prepare to hear that. Oh, no, of course I want it. No, we want it. It's just a shocking news." I kept waggling my head to prevent any thought that I or we do not want the baby.
She looked eased and started to do some ultrasonic check. She can not find any proof from ultrasound result. She said that it could be too early to tell. Then she requested a blood hormone test for me and told me to wait for that hCG test result confirmation. Of course, she told me the possibility of miscarriage. At that time, I have no idea of miscarriage and scared to death after I hear it.
I drove home with slowest speed I ever have. After I told my husband the great news, I started the online browsing immediately. I have even a tiny bit knowledge of pregnancy. First I looked at the hCG test. For hCG test, people need to draw blood sample twice within 48 hours and look at the hCG level difference. About 85% of normal pregnancies will have the hCG level double every 48 - 72 hours. As you get further along into pregnancy and the hCG level gets higher, the time it takes to double can increase to about every 96 hours. Then I looked around for all pregnancy related information. I'm so grateful and amazed that how much information you can retrieve via internet nowadays.
2 days later, I draw the second blood sample. I'm so eager to know the result. While we're waiting, I kept asking my husband same questions again and again: "Is that true? Am I really pregnant?"
Yeah, I'm still not ready to be in parent club. I'm scared. I do not think that I'm ready to be a good mother and keep saying that I do not have any family plan now. But who cares? From the moment I understand the news, I AM EXPECTING! I was flooded with enthusiasm and ecstasy.